Wishes Don’t Belong in Your Will—Here’s Where to Put Them

When it comes to estate planning, most people assume the Will is the final word. But there’s an important—and often overlooked—companion to the Will that brings heart, clarity, and personal intent to the process: the Letter of Wishes.

Why Wills Fall Short

Wills are legal documents. They’re designed to meet the standards of probate courts, not to hold nuance or emotion. And while they cover the big stuff—like naming guardians or splitting the house—they fall short in the areas that often matter most.

Here’s why certain things shouldn’t go in your Will:

• Wills become public documents once they go through probate—meaning anyone can access them.
• Updating a Will is expensive and time-consuming—involving lawyers and formal processes.
• They lack flexibility and aren’t suited to more fluid or evolving personal instructions.
• They’re written in legal language, not your voice.

So while your Will handles the “what,” a Letter of Wishes explains the “why.”

“It’s often the small stuff—the watch, the wedding ring, the cottage—that causes the biggest fights. The Letter of Wishes is where you prevent that.”
— Tom Deans, author of Willing Wisdom

What Is a Letter of Wishes?

A Letter of Wishes (sometimes called a Memorandum of Wishes or Statement of Intent) is a private, non-binding document that accompanies your Will. It’s meant to guide your executor, family, and advisors on how you want things handled—especially the personal, sentimental, or situational decisions.

Unlike your Will, it:

• Stays private—only seen by those you choose
• Can be updated easily without a lawyer
• Captures your voice—through words or even video
• Fills the emotional and practical gaps your Will can’t

What Belongs in a Letter of Wishes?

Common things people include:

• Personal belongings: Who gets sentimental items and why (e.g. jewelry, heirlooms, collectibles)
• Stories and values: Notes about family traditions, charitable causes, or lessons for future generations
• Explanations: Clarifying decisions that may be emotionally sensitive or unexpected
• Care instructions: For pets, vacation homes, or even family rituals
• Messages: Parting words, notes of gratitude, or personalized video messages

📌 Note: In some jurisdictions, items like personal property can legally be distributed using a separate Memorandum. It’s wise to check with an estate planner in your region.

Letter of Wishes Checklist

Want to start yours? Here’s a quick list to guide you:

✅ List any personal items you want specific people to receive—and explain why

✅ Clarify your intentions behind sensitive decisions (e.g., unequal divisions)

✅ Include notes or stories that add emotional meaning to the items

✅ Provide any special instructions (e.g., how to care for a pet or maintain a cottage)

✅ Add a message for your family—this could be written or recorded as a video

✅ Store your Letter of Wishes in a place your executor can easily find

✅ Review and update it regularly—no lawyer required

The Bottom Line

Your Will is essential, but it was never meant to carry your legacy alone.

A Letter of Wishes helps ensure your voice is heard, your intentions are understood, and your family is supported.

At Trusty, we’ve made it easy to create, store, and share Letters of Wishes—complete with the option to record video messages and attach them to specific assets. Because sometimes, it’s not just about who gets what.

It’s about what it meant to you—and what it could mean to them.